The Christmas Lull

Ya know, sometimes days just suck. We try to push the Hump Day Pub Day philosophy, but let me tell you, it doesn’t always work! Lesbihonest here (haha, Pitch Perfect, anyone? Anyone?)…it’s almost winter time, which is super gloomy. Literally, the sun is like in hibernation, and the vibrant colors of summer and early fall have a grey tint. And don’t lie, this is truth circle here, you’ve already had 3 quart sized bottles of egg nog, and it’s only Dec. 10.

I like to call this the “Christmas lull,” not to be confused with the “after Christmas lull,” which may or may not be worse. The Christmas lull is that time of year, right before Christmas where exams are going on, budgets are getting close to E, and you secretly want to stab those people with those stupid reindeer antlers on their car doors. You haven’t bought your Christmas presents yet, all these crazy people are out on the roads trying to buy their presents in their crazy Christmas haze (often times the same people with the reindeer antlers on their car), all the while you realize in T-14 days (because don’t forget Christmas Eve) you get to see your ENTIRE family. What’s worse is they may be staying with you?! Eeek.

Not to mention that 2014 is coming to a close; you haven’t lost that Thanksgiving weight yet, only to be compounded by the future Christmas snackage & feasts and of course ALL of the Cheer beer. Wait, you haven’t had Cheer beer? Why it’s Christmas Spirit in a can/bottle! And you’ve been getting your fill because it’s a limited edition while listening to 4 different renditions of “Santa Baby” in a row— thanks for that Spotify. Or OR, what about when you are decorating your toats adorbs Christmas tree, and you “think” you buy enough Christmas lights, only to find out you are one strand short! And if you skimp, then the whole tree is skimped and just looks stupid! Or when you just want to make a decorative bow for a tree topper, and heaven forbid they make that easy!! “Pinterest, YOU’VE LET ME DOWN!!” It all inevitably ends with a grown woman jumping up and down on the crinkled ribbon throwing a temper tantrum while the youtube video finishes with an, “And it’s as easy as that. :)” You can just hear the smile in her voice! Ugh. Not speaking from experience or anything. But needless to say, it’s time to break out the Jack for the Egg nog here, folks. Still counts as “festive”, am I right?? Ah yes, the Christmas lull is here, but have no fear…soon it will be replaced with Christmas Cheer! *BARF*

Drunk on Christmas Cheer

Drunk on Christmas Cheer

Oh, you think I’m kidding? Here’s Madison’s solution to The Christmas lull:

  1. It’s called ONLINE SHOPPING. Amazon Prime your super awesome presents to your doorstep. Shipping included!
  2. Stay inside at all costs. (A. It’s warmer inside. B. You don’t have to deal with crazies. C. You can use Amazon Prime now!)
  3. PUT DOWN the egg nog! This is for Santa, remember?
  4. Calm it down. Here’s a link to some meditative yoga practices to turn your Christmas frown upside down. You’ll be wearing a Santa hat in no time.
  5. Just think of all the little boys and girls who are so flipping excited for Christmas, they can’t even function. Great job “Elf on the Shelf” for creating a surefire way to make kids semi-behave when in reality, they just want to kick and scream and run around in a circle until Christmas morning!
Elf in a treeee

Elf in a treeeee

So here’s to asking Santa for a remington rifle and a leg lamp. Merry Christmas, y’all.

xoxo

madison

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